Vietnam

Distance covered since last blog:1,600km

There is only one train per day from China to Vietnam and it leaves in the early evening, which in theory works pefectly – you can hop on in Nanning, get some sleep, then wake up refreshed in Hanoi 12 hours later. This is not the case. In reality you have to stay awake for the majority of the journey, getting on and off for various customs checks and presenting your passport. I suffered my usual problem of looking absolutely nothing like my passport photo and was heavily scrutinised. Before they got speaking to me, the people in my carriage had determined that because of my beard I had to be Russian! As always they turned out to be great company, bought me dinner, and kept me entertained with their endless questions. Conversation wasn't particularly easy however: I would speak English, a Chinese guy would translate it into Vietnamese, the Vietnamese girl would answer me in Vietnamese, then the Chinese guy would translate it back into English for me! A few of us agreed to share a taxi once we arrived in Hanoi, and we were absolutely mobbed by drivers once we got off the train. I let the Vietnamese girl do all the talking, until after a few minutes of pestering from one rather determined driver when I had to get involved with a loud ‘F**k off!’ I was tired and sweaty, but still not a great way to introduce myself to the Vietnamese people! My friends kindly paid for my bus and taxi fare, and I arrived at ‘Hanoi Backpackers Hostel’ at 5.30am absolutely shattered and thrilled about the prospect of a bed. So you can imagine my heartbreak when I was told I couldn’t check-in until 11. Thankfully they let me into the ‘DVD room’, where I positioned myself under a fan, then passed out on the sofa.

Hanoi

After checking-in I set out on a walking tour of the ‘old town’ district of Hanoi. There is a lovely catherdral, picturesque lake and countless little alleyways bustling with activity. My highlight however was stumbling upon an ice cream parlour named “Fanny’s” – I immaturely stood in front of it giggling for some time. As always, finding the local food was a priority, so I pottered into a little street side restaurant to get a bowl of ‘pho bo’ (beef noodle soup) which was fantastic. That evening I enjoyed a few beers on the rooftop bar with an American, a Chinese girl, a French guy, a Dutch girl and a Canadian guy – I described us as a ‘United Nations of Banter’ (they didn’t get it). Later we went out for dinner and I found myself sitting next to an American history professor, which as you can imagine I was thrilled about. We really killed the buzz at the table for everyone else though by discussing in detail the Nullification Crisis of the 1820’s, but I was loving it. I also loved my ‘Stir-fried beef with lemongrass and chili’ – get used to me talking about Vietnamese food, it’s amazing. Vietnam is a bit of a culture shock after China, with the overwhelming amount of tourists it attracts, and it is going to take some getting used to.

My next stop after Hanoi was Hue, which is a 14 hour overnight bus journey south. These sleeper buses are clearly designed with little Asian people in mind, not strapping Westerners such as myself, and so therefore are rather cramped. I estimate I got about 3 hours sleep, so much like Hanoi I arrived exhausted and cranky. Conveniently the bus stopped opposite my hostel, so I didn’t have to deal with the army of taxi drivers who had gathered to prey upon us. I checked-in (after I’d thrown a small rage when I hit my head on the door of the bus), then had breakfast with two Polish girls in the hostel restaurant. I wasn’t sure what to get, so used a technique I have now done throughout Vietnam, which is asking the waitress what her favourite local food is, then agreeing to have that regardless of what it is. In this instance it was sizzling pork meatballs with onions, noodles and soup. Not a traditional breakfast I admit, but damn tasty! Hue has a brilliant ‘citadel’ in it’s centre which was interesting to walk around – it was devastated during the war which makes it fascinating to explore for an American history geek such as myself. I was so taken by it that that evening I went back to the hostel and watched ‘Full Metal Jacket’ (which is set in Hue). The following evening got pretty messy as me and my lovely roommate Abbie attacked the wide range of novelty flavoured vodkas behind the bar (Snickers, Gummie Bears, Fish sauce etc). We obviously made lots of friends in the bar, none more so than ‘Vinny the Viking’ who is the head barman in the hostel and from Iceland. I had been told by the guys who owned the hostel in Hanoi that if I punched him he would give me a free beer, so I did, and he not only gave me a beer, but bought my entire table a round of shots! What a hero! At the end of the night Abbie passed out in the toilet then refused to come out until her ‘bearded roomie’ came to get her – I’m clearly perceived as trustworthy.

Me and Vinny the Viking

 Next stop was Hoi An, a pretty small but very attractive town about 5 hours south of Hue. After exploring the town a bit, I basically spent a couple of days chilling out after some exhausting days and nights in Hue. My hotel had a gorgeous receptionist (who always welcomed me with an ice cold moist towelette from the fridge), air conditioning in my room, and a swimming pool. You can understand why I chose it as a chill out venue! Hoi An has over taken Wuhan as the hottest place I have been so far on this tour. In a restaurant a waitress asked me if I was ok – the sweat was pouring down my face so much that she thought I was crying. I was lucky I had these few days to relax, because despite all the warnings, I was totally unprepared for where I headed next: Nha Trang.

I would describe Nha Trang as like an Asian version of Malia – a huge tourist trap, catering for Westerners who want to spend the day lying on the beach, having a burger and chips for lunch, then spend the evenings getting drunk with other tourists. It is comfortably my least favourite place in Vietnam. Sadly, drunk tourists attract crime. I’ll quote the Lonely Planet: “Getting too drunk at night in Nha Trang is like spraying ‘rob me’ perfume on yourself”. When I arrived at my hostel there was a girl in tears in reception who had just been robbed, and this was pretty much the theme of my three days there. In that time, every single person in my dorm was either robbed, mugged or beaten up (except me – I’m streetwise and intimidating). Three sizeable Danish lads were surrounded by ten guys on motorbikes and forced to hand over their wallets – two nights in a row!! My main incident came at about 1am one night when I heard a commotion outside my room. I went to investigate and found my roommates, Dave and Sarah, in a blazing argument with security. They had been robbed and were asking the hostel to call the police. For some reason things had got out of hand, security had hit Dave on the head a few times with a metal baton and the receptionist had punched Sarah. My chivalrous nature took over and I aggressively ‘squared up’ to the guy who punched Sarah (probably the first time I’ve ever done that in my life), and he backed off. Dave and I stayed downstairs for a while to defuse things. When I got back to the dorm I found Sarah talking me up as an absolute hero, and I was happy to accept the praise. I spent the next day down at the beach, but couldn’t bring myself to venture out at night, so stayed in and watched ‘Apocalypse Now’ (part of which is set in Nha Trang) then got the hell out of there the next day and headed for the mountain city of Dalat. Once again I was exhausted on my bus journey because I had been awoken at 4am by a couple having sex in the bed next to me. Such inappropriate behaviour in a communal dorm! I admit I quite enjoyed it for about 10 minutes – she was pretty hot – but it soon grew tiresome and was keeping me awake. After an hour and half (which I applaud the bloke for!) the sun had come up and the girl noticed that I was watching them. She obviously freaked out, but it at least meant I could get up and leave them in peace, and I went downstairs and had a green tea with the receptionist. The girl tracked me down later that morning and, deeply embarrassed, apologised profusely.

Waiting for my bus to leave Nha Trang I got speaking to an English girl called Claire who latched onto me for a couple of days. She had absolutely no banter and was seriously hard work speaking to. She suggested that we share a hotel room to half the cost, which I reluctantly agreed to, but flat out refused to go sight-seeing with her and instead headed out on my own. Dalat itself is a lovely city, but it’s main attraction is the countryside which surrounds it. The obvious way to explore this is by hiring a motorbike/scooter and heading out alone, however I had a embarrassing failure on a motorbike in India a couple of years ago and have lost all confidence in my ability to use them. Hence I hired a bloke to drive me around for the day, exploring the mountains, valleys and waterfalls of the surrounding area. I suitably irritated Claire that evening by watching the entire British Grand Prix in our room when she was trying to sleep. She was moving on to Siagon (the same as me), but I knew that if I left with her we would end up staying in the same hotel, so I stayed an extra day in Dalat to shake her off.

Around Dalat

The bus to Saigon was pretty uneventful. I sat with a Danish lad who I met in Nha Trang, then got into a rather heated conversation with two Israelis who were slagging off China (don’t slag off China around me!) We are right in the heart of the ‘monsoon season’ now, and unfortunately the daily thunderstorm had hit just as my bus arrived – so I had to track down my hostel in teeming rain. After a while I decided my backpack was getting too wet so ducked into a bar to take cover, and who should I see but Dave and Sarah from the Nha Trang ‘fight night’! I had a beer with them while the rain eased off and we discussed future travel plans. I found my hostel with little fuss but annoyingly the last bed in the dorm had literally just been reserved (by the bloke who walked in about 5 seconds before me!) I was offered a private room above a nearby restaurant for $7 per night which I gratefully accepted – double bed, big TV, shower, balcony. The works! This turned out to be even more perfect because The Open Championship was on during my time in Siagon, so I was able to take in a lot of golf. Siagon is my favourite place in Vietnam, and one of my favourite places I have been so far – it is intensely hot, but a wonderful city which I have thoroughly enjoyed exploring. One of the ‘must see’ sights of Siagon is the ‘War Remnants Museum’ which gives an admittedly one-sided view of the Vietnam War, but it was deeply moving none the less and I don’t mind confessing to having to dry my eyes at a couple of the more shocking exhibits. Nearby is the ‘Presidential Palace’ which is where the final moments of the Vietnam War occurred in 1975 and I got a really nerdy thrill about being there, until a one-legged beggar starting pestering me so I left on the back of a motorbike. There’s nothing quite like whizzing through Saigon on the back of a motorbike – I was enjoying it so much I high-fived another motorbike driver at some traffic lights. I hopped off near my hotel to get a cheese and chili baguette for lunch, and while I waited for it to be prepared an elderly woman of about 80 snuck up behind me, tugged my beard, giggled like crazy, then scurried off! Beard assault! So I have a little bit more of Vietnam to do, before nipping across the border into Cambodia.

A 'Huey' helicopter - an icon of the Vietnam War