The End of China

Distance covered since last blog: 4,460km

So I’ve broken another camera. This one went down in installments, and I suppose was my fault this time. Firstly I broke the screen in Tianjin when I stood on it walking back from the toilet in the middle of the night; then I finished the job and broke the lense in Qingtao when I dropped it. Hence the photos in this blog are minimal and of low quality (taken on my iPod).

As I mentioned in my last blog, I needed to start moving quickly south through China. I have probably spent too long here, and need to get down to the Vietnam border to maximise my time in SE Asia. So expect a lot of train related stories here! My first journey was the epic train from Qingtao to Chengdu, which covered 2,600km and took a little under 2 days. A journey of such length is different to others that I have done – it’s a different midset - and I became pretty good mates with the fellow people undertaking the massive journey in my carriage. Things didn't start off so well though – I settled down in my seat opposite an 8 year old girl who immediately covered her eyes and spent 10 minutes looking at me in fear. It later transpired it was the beard freaking her out. Eventually she said something to her Mum who agreed to switch seats with her so she didn't have to look at me anymore. As it turned out, me and the girl (‘Chi Chi’) ended up becoming best friends. We watched ‘Inception’ together, played cards, and taught each other to count to ten in each others languages. A highlight of the journey was being told ‘Chi Chi isn’t scared of you anymore’. My most important mate on the train was Leo – a 31 year old ex-English teacher/Christian missionary – who basically acted as my translator. Everyone wanted to question me about England, China, my future travel plans etc, and I was in constant demand for the entire journey. Someone actually slapped me on the legs when I was asleep because they wanted conversation. I woke up relucantly, bought a round of beers for the lads, and played cards until 2am. They thrashed me and it was exhausting, but as always, meeting local people is the most enjoyable and rewarding part of travelling. At the end of the journey Chi Chi wrote ‘China welcomes you’ on a piece of paper and got everyone to sign it as a goodbye present for me which was lovely.

Upon arrival in Chengdu, Leo and a girl from my carriage (I forget her name) insisted on paying for my taxi to the hostel, then taking me out for some proper Sichuan cuisine – which they also paid for. Sichuan (or ‘Szechuan’ to you Europeans) cuisine is highly regarded in China and has some of the spiciest dishes the country produces. I can vouch for that! When my fellow diners weren’t looking I had to spit a mouthful onto the floor because it was so unbearabley hot! Most of the dishes were really tasty though, and I revisited the restaurant the next day. Amusingly, at the beginning of the meal Leo said a prayer thanking God for meeting me and wishing me well on my future travels. Not sure I’ve ever had a prayer said about me! I was knackered after the journey, so napped in the afternoon, then did a night time walking tour of Chengdu. Chengdu has a very impressive central square, with an enormous statue of Chairman Mao and fountains which are timed to orchestral music. I walked around for a few hours, had some noodles for dinner, then returned to my hostel. Woah! Were there just a couple of sentences about sight-seeing? That’s not what this is blog is all about! You want a story about me embarrassing myself? Hang in there, I’ve got a couple coming up…

The next day I continued the move south, taking an 11 hour journey from Chengdu to Kunming. As usual I attached myself to some locals, in this case the lovely Anna and Lilly. Apparently they spent ages building up the courage to come and speak to me because they are shy about their language skills, but like most young Chinese people their English was far better than they thought and we spoke for a few hours. Anna and Lilly went to bed but I wasn't very tired, so wandered down to the restaurant car to get a bottle of water. Ridiculously they had no water, so I was talked into getting a bottle of Budwesier (60p) by the persuasive barman. I had walked 11 carriages to get there, so felt compelled to buy something. I really didn't want it but settled down to drink it anyway. I think it was this reluctance that caused my first swig to ‘go down the wrong way’. I coughed, spluttered, dribbled on the table, then charged out the restaurant car and just made it to the toilet before spraying the mouthful of beer and my half-digested noodles all over the place. I did a half-arsed job of cleaning them up, then scurried back to carriage 7 (abandoning the Budwesier). Mine was the upper bunk of my berth, so I clambered up the ladder then flopped into bed. The girl who I found in it totally freaked out. The lights in the carriage had been turned off, and I had walked too far and was in fact in carriage 6. Everyone else in the berth sprung to life as well as I repeated ‘Sorry’ over and over again in Chinese and then fled into the darkness. I kept a low profile the next morning, then disembarked into the furnance that is Kunming.

Anna and Lilly

Kunming was a relatively low key affair for me. I did a standard walking tour through the city centre, taking in a couple of stunning archways, the lake and a shopping mall to buy a new iPod charger (I left mine in Chengdu). Kunming has the highest ratio of Muslims in China, so I hit a Muslim restaurant for lunch where I botched my ordering in Chinese and resorted to pointing at a neighbours lunch and asking for ‘one of these’. It was some delicious vegetable noodles in a spicy broth which I devoured and had again for dinner.

My main reason for going to Kunming was to make my way into the rest of Yunnan province, which many regard as one of the most naturally beautiful in China. I would have to agree, and the 11 hour bus I took from Kunming to Lijiang took in some incredible scenery (there would be a photo here if I had a camera). I spent an awful lot of time looking to my left. This may have been down to the scenery, or maybe down to the smoking hot girl who was sat next to the window. Her little denim shorts were so tiny she may as well not have been wearing them. The bus arrived into Lijiang in the heat of the day, and after being rejected by the first four taxis I spoke to, I eventually found one who was willing to take me to the ‘Old Town’. This area of the city is a maze of winding alleyways which cars can’t access, so I had to find the ‘Garden Inn’ hostel on foot. If you’ve been reading this blog from the start, you probably know the drill by now – I got a massive rage on and was sweating uncontrollably by the time I found it 30 minutes later. It was a charming hostel though, built around a leafy courtyard, run by girls who would regularly bring me free plates of fresh watermelon and plums. One of them even did two two-hour Chinese lessons with me for free! What else can you ask for in a hostel?

The Garden Inn in Lijiang

Lijiang itself is a quaint little town, built around a series of waterways, however it has turned into one of China’s most popular tourist destinations and everyday hundreds of buses arrive packed with Chinese tourists being led about by someone holding a coloured flag and speaking very loudly through a megaphone. This meant that I conducted my two walking tours in the early morning when the streets were emptier. The streets weren’t totally empty however – as I settled down on a low wall to eat my breakfast, a young child appeared to my right and began to urinate about 6 inches away from my leg. You can imagine the splash-back generated on a stone floor, and I was wearing shorts and flip-flops. The boys Mum didn't seem to care, although was clearly aware of what was happening, so I stood up as calmly as I could manage and walked off. The worst thing about the whole incident was that I couldn't wipe it off – I had no tissues, and didn't want it on my hand, so just had to leave it there! Urine aside, the thing I will remember most about Lijiang will be the BBQ. China must have literally millions of BBQ places to eat – from proper restaurants to blokes selling it in the street. I visited seven different vendors in Lijiang, ate different things at each one and they were all delicious.

I wanted to go to the nearby town of Dali, but as I mentioned at the start, I have spent too long in China and really need to get into Vietnam, so got a direct train back to Kunming where I would then move on to Nanning to sort out a visa. I got on the train to discover that my six bed sleeping berth was to be occupied by five Chinese girls and me – jackpot. I never really got to speak with them however because unfortunately I was emitting some unpleasant smells – a rather potent cocktail of feet, t-shirt, armpits and crotch. It was so repulsive, and I was so embarrassed, that I went and stood in between the carriages and listened to the entire of Les Miserables (2hr 30mins) before going back to bed after I was sure they were all asleep. I got into Kunming at about 5am and headed back to ‘The Hump’ youth hostel where I stayed last time. I’d been up most of the night trying to avoid being smelt so was exhausted and immediately hit the hay – I saw Kunming last time anyway. I got up for lunch though and was immediately set upon by 6 of the girls who work in the hostel and were on their break. They were eager to speak to me and of course I was happy to oblige. It started off rather awkwardly though because apparently I had met one of them last time I was in Kunming – she remembered every single detail about me, but I couldn't even recall her name! She was devastated, but cheered up eventually. I remember you now Monica!

The next day I headed off to Nanning, my 14^th and final destination in China. Not a lot to report from this journey. The train was less of a ‘train’ however, and more like a sauna on wheels – you know when Chinese people are sweating through their clothes it is seriously hot! Needless to say I was a dripping mess. My wetness wasn't helped by the fact that the mosquito repellent in my pocket mysteriously broke open and gushed down my leg – but looking on the bright side it actually improved the smell of my trousers. I befriended a bunch of students who were on their way back from a little holiday in Kunming. All of them spoke decent English and were great company.

The lads on the way to Nanning

Nanning itself is the most disgustingly humid place I have ever been to. It was 34 degrees and 80% humidity when I arrived and I was a total state. Luckily I found the hostel after a mere 10 minute walk, then spent 30 minutes in my room “shirt off, trou down” trying to return to a normal temperature. The city is quite pleasant, but really I’m just here to organise my Vietnam visa, then hop on the daily train to Hanoi. I fancied a final bowl of ‘la mian’ (my second favourite Chinese food) before leaving, so set out to find a place serving them. Sadly I couldn't find anywhere, and was starting to get a humidity sweat on, so ducked into a little place serving loads of meat dishes. I got a couple of pork and vegetables ones, some rice and a beer (I didn't want the beer, but was mocked by a nearby midget when I ordered a bottle of water). Halfway through my meal the owner came over and asked if it was too spicy - I said ‘no’ then took an opportunity to impress him by eating an entire red chilli. Cor blimey! I held back the tears for about 15 seconds before they were streaming down my face. I tried to finish the meal, but that was only making it worse, and I left the restaurant to howls of laughter from the customers, the staff and the midget. That was last night, and I am now sitting in the hostel reception awaiting the arrival of my visa, so hopefully tomorrow evening I will be on my way to ‘Nam.

China. What can I say? Originally I was never going to come here, then my plans changed and I would come here for just two weeks. I have ended up staying for two months, and frankly could stay here for two years. The countryside around Yangshuo and the rest of Guangxi province was some of the most stunning I have ever seen; Shanghai and Beijing are intoxicating cities you could spend weeks exploring; Guilin and Xi’an are charming places that it would be a pleasure to live in. From Guilin ‘rice noodles’ to Wuhan ‘hot-dry noodles’, from ‘beef and bok choy’ to ‘BBQ pork scewers’, the food has been phenomenal and a real highlight. My whole-hearted, but usually futile attempt to learn Mandarin has been fun as well. But as always, it’s the people that make the experiences and they are the thing I will take most away from this incredible country. Sophie and Mickey in Wuhan, Lisa and Gloria in Guilin, Kathy in Yangshuo, Eleanor and the ‘free talk’ class in Tianjin, Terry and Monica in Kunming, Leo in Chengdu, Daisy, Linda, Zsa Zsa and all the girls in Xi’an. Xièxie China! I’ll be back. Now, in the words of Delia Smith (sort of): ‘Vietnam. Let’s be having you!’

Guilin to Qingdao

Distance covered since last blog: 3,045km

After bidding a tearful farewell to Lisa (all her tears), I boarded an overnight train to the southern city of Shenzhen, which is the gateway into Hong Kong. Stupidly I had got on the train with no cash, so was unable to purchase any refreshments, which meant that by the time my train arrived at 9am I was dying of thirst. First I had to track down an ATM, which I managed to do in a nearby shopping centre, then find a bloke selling cold water. I chinned two bottles then set off to find the taxi rank. It was on my way that I felt that familiar feeling in my bowels which simply means ‘Get to a toilet immediately’. Shenzhen train station is a maze and I had no idea where to find one, besides, walking was making it worse. I dropped my bag in the middle of the concourse and stood there, without shame, clenching my buttocks with a look of steely-eyed determination on my face. Unless you’ve experienced this, it is difficult to fully understand the agony I was in – I genuinely contemplated deliberately pooing myself right there, in the middle of the train station, just to end the pain. In the end I made a mad dash to a nearby private health spa and basically demanded that either they let me use their toilet or I was involuntarily going to do it in their lobby. As it happens the girl was very helpful and literally ran with me to show me where to go. I spent that night in a youth hostel, and crossed the border into Hong Kong the next day.、

A typically foggy Hong Kong

My accommodation was another one recommended by Thomas – Chumking Mansions, right in the heart of central Kowloon. It is a monstrous building with 19 vast floors, filled mainly with guest houses and Indian restaurants and shops. It is well-known in Hong Kong as the main hub of immigrants from India and Africa, and this was apparent from the moment I walked in. It was like being back in India – I was immediately set upon by people trying to sell me a place to sleep, fake Rolexes, ‘hashish’, chicken byriani – you name it! In the end I settled for a guest house on the ninth floor and was led proudly to one of their ‘deluxe’ suites.

I didn’t really care about it being so small, just as long as it was clean – which it was. After venturing out into Hong Kong, the most urgent business was to find an Irish pub which would be showing the football that evening – it was the final day of the Premier League season. It took no longer than 20 seconds until I stumbled upon the rather predictably named‘Murphys’. I only nipped in to ask if it would be showing the football later, but as it happens they had the big AFC Wimbledon vs Luton match on the telly at the time, so I stayed and watched the entire thing. When I returned later, I attached myself to a group consisting of an American lad, a Norwegian girl and an Aussie girl and spent the night bantsing with them. Blackpool were relegated and I got surprisingly depressed about it.

The next two days were spent dominating Hong Kong, and seeing all that the small country has to offer. I purchased a ticket that allowed me to use the ‘Big Bus Tour’ (you may have seen these around London) for two days, so on the first day I did a tour around the main city area of Hong Kong Island. I’ll be honest – I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am the night before, and nodded off for quite a lot of the bus tour. This area of Hong Kong Island is mainly skyscrapers, and clearly wasn’t enough to keep my attention. After 2 hours I got off the bus (having dribbled down the front my t-shirt). For the second day of my bus tour I visited the south of HK Island, specifically the areas of Repulse Bay and Stanley – where one Richard Mogridge used to live as a youngster. I found a pub called the ‘Pickled Pelican’ (brilliant name) and got chatting to some Americans who had disembarked from an aircraft carrier which had docked in the harbour the day before. They made me do some shots with them, and I returned to my bus slightly more off-balance than when I got off. That night I had dinner from my usual Pakistani restaurant – the ‘Paki Mess’ (that was its actual name), then headed back to Murphy’s to see if I could make any more new friends. As it happens I couldn’t, but did pick up an amusing nickname from the bar girls: Mr. Hairy.

The plan for the next day was a visit to the other main island of Hong Kong – Lantau. The weather was pretty awful, but I went anyway. The main site there is a large Buddha statue up on a hill, but the weather was so bad that they had closed the cable car, so access was impossible. I thought I would hang around anyway (after all, I’d spent 30p on a tube ticket!), so I had a few pints then went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 – it was average. After a final night in the lovely Chumking Mansions, I boarded the ferry to the nearby island of Macau. Macau is an old Portuguese colony and is technically not part of China and many people still speak that language. That meant I was able to use my entire Portuguese vocabulary at every possible opportunity (obrigado – ‘thank you’; cerveja – ‘beer’). I hadn’t booked any accommodation in Macau, because I was sure that when I got off the ferry there would be a bevy of hawkers trying to sell me a cheap room for the night. This turned out not to be the case, so after some advise from the tourist information office, I got on the #3 bus into town, and preceded to wander aimlessly for 3 hours (yes, 3 hours!) hoping to find a cheap hotel. After a while, exhausted and dripping wet, I was literally stopping every Westerner I saw asking them where they were staying, but most people just come to Macau for a day trip and don’t spend the night. I was at my wits end. Eventually I spoke to a well-off Malaysian bloke, who organised his personal driver to come and pick me up (in a plush BMW) and take me to a cheap hotel. What a hero!!

Macau rage

I did a Macau walking tour, then headed back to Hong Kong the next day – checking back into Chumking Mansions. This was the night of the Champions League final, so I stayed up until kick-off (02:45 local time) and watched it in my local. I befriended an English lad named Steve and we watched the match together in an incredibly packed pub – I was obviously thrilled to see Man Utd taken to pieces by a team of such obvious superiority. Went to bed at 6am. The next day didn’t involve much – just a trip to the train station to purchase my next train ticket, then waiting for the Monaco Grand Prix to start. For dinner I finally sold-out and, for the first time on tour had a full blown Western meal; I felt that if I was going to do that, I needed to do it properly, so I had roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, carrots, sprouts, gravy and horseradish. Worth the 11 quid! I literally licked the plate clean.

Mouse and I had agreed that if he paid for half my travel, I would make the 2,500km journey back north to visit him in Tianjin, so early on that Tuesday morning I set off for Kowloon train station to catch the T98 train to Beijing, where I would connect for the short journey to Tianjin. I had some minor trouble getting through Customs – the photo in my passport, where I am a pasty 16 year old, confuses people who see the 25 year old bearded ‘vagrant’ in front of them. I smoothed things over with the Customs officials nicely though by accidently making them laugh: I dropped my bottle of water, and after bending down to pick it up with my huge backpack on, I realised I had no strength left in my legs and was unable to stand up. It was like my trekking fail all over again! After trying and failing for a while, I had to shed my backpack and ask for assistance. The journey itself took 24 hours and was relatively easy going. I couldn’t get much sleep though because the couple in the bed next to me decided to ‘get frisky’ in the middle of the night, which was rather off putting. To escape their moans and groans I ventured down to the restaurant car, which involved passing through First Class. It seemed quite empty, so after purchasing a ‘pijo’ and some noodles I went and sat there. No one questioned a Western person’s rite to be there, so I enjoyed the comfort of First Class for a few hours!

 24 hours to Beijing

I arrived in Beijing in the early afternoon, and after throwing a minor public strop (just like last time), I made my way back to the same hostel from a few weeks ago. I was meant to go on to Tianjin but was too tired, mardy and sweaty to tackle another Chinese train journey. So after some R&R I headed off the next day, catching the bullet train to Tianjin, where Mouse met me at the station. I ended up spending a week with him, sleeping on his sofa and basically having a great time. Our main activities were nights out, watching cricket, doing walking tours and eating. The food I had in Tianjin was incredible, and Mouse took me on a culinary tour of Asia: classic Chinese dishes, noodles, dumplings, Tianjin specialties, Sichuan dishes, Korean, Thai, Hong Kong, Japanese. All amazing! We had some fun nights with his fellow teachers as well. One night in with Dilly and Jordan playing cards, where we picked up the nicknames ‘Maestro’ and ‘Bistro’ (you can guess who was who); another night out on the massive smash with David, Mike and Gerald to the famous ‘Citong’ nightclub. I was on my standard drunk club form – hating the ear-splitting hip hop, minesweeping drinks, sitting on my own. Gerald bought us an entire table worth of Heineken though, so I tucked into that with gay abandon. Mouse pulled a midget (sort of).

 Leaving Citong at 6am

As you may know, Mouse is teaching English in Tianjin, and he invited me along to his weekly ‘free talk’ class. ‘Free talk’ is a much more informal class, where students are encouraged to speak and use their English in a more chilled-out setting. I opened things up with a short photo presentation of my travels so far, then Mouse set them the task of writing their own fictional travel diary which they would then present to the class later, and I would judge who was best. I meandered from group to group, chatting to them about various things and helping them with their English (I spoke to no men). It was really fun, and one of the highlights of my time in China – you really can’t beat speaking to Chinese people.

On one of my last nights, Mouse cooked up a brilliant dinner of pork ribs and pork belly in a delightful sauce, with a side dish of green peppers and bok choy. We settled in to watch the Test Match. Could there be a more brilliant night in? Sadly I eventually had to leave, and caught the 05:33 train to Qingdao (pronounced ‘Ching-dow’). I hadn’t had much sleep the night before, and half way through the journey I nodded off and toppled off my seat into the aisle. It was mightily embarrassing and I was the laughing stock of the carriage for the remainder of the journey. This was made even more embarrassing because I had been seriously ‘eye-flirting’ with a girl opposite me for a while. We had had a rather basic conversation in both English and Chinese and shared headphones for a while. I think my collapse ruined my chances. Qingdao seems nice enough, but I need to start thinking about heading south, so I immediately booked my transport onwards – a 41 hour, 2,600km train to Chengdu. The definition of ‘admin’?

 Mouse getting his cook on

I’m a little bit worried to see that I am 106 days into my 189 days travelling. However much I like England, my family and my friends, I really don’t ever want to come back. Can you all move to China please?

 Beard coming on nicely