Adventure Travellers - Malaysia Part I

Distance covered since last blog: 4,705km


August 11th was a date that had been on my mind for months - Sean Morton's arrival in Malaysia, and the start of a new chapter in my travels. I woke up nice and early, and set off on the 70km bus journey to Kuala Lumpur airport to pick him up when his plane landed at 11:15am. For some odd reason I couldn't find the flight from London on the Arrivals board, so went over to the Air Asia information desk to question them. The woman there told me that there was only one flight arriving from London that day, and it landed at 11:15pm. Predictably I got stroppy and refused to believe her so asked the bloke sitting next to her to double check - he confirmed it. Turns out I'd misread the email and turned up 12 hours early. So I got back on the bus to the city, spent the day milling around not really doing anything, then returned to meet him at the correct time.


Our first business was to conduct a walking tour of Kuala Lumpur, which we did in about two hours. There isn't a whole lot to see really, and once you've taken an obligatory photo of the Petronas Towers there isn't much else. Besides, it was unbearably hot so we spent a fair chunk of the afternoon enjoying the air conditioning of a shopping mall. One of the big things we hope to enjoy in Malaysia is Malay cuisine, but unfortunately for the first two days of Morts' time with me, I was struck down with a stomach bug and didn't eat for 48 hours. Not an ideal start to the tour, but things picked up. Despite my weakened state, we went for a night out in Kuala Lumpur. Our first stop was 'Reggae Reggae Bar', which we learnt later is the only bar in the city that allows under-age people in. It was pretty weird, and we got out of there sharpish and went to the more suitable area of Bukit Bingtang. It was only fractionally more suitable however, because to get in to most bars you needed to be suitably dressed - shorts and flip-flops didn't cut it with the bouncers. I spotted an Irish pub that was showing England thrashing India, so we went in for a pint there. £7 for a pint of Strongbow and £4.50 for a Carlsberg. We had one round then left. Night out fail.

Morts on the Kuala Lumpur walking tour

Malaysia is split into two parts - the Malaysian Peninsula and Borneo. Our plan was to do Borneo first, so the next day we flew to one of the main cities on Borneo, Kota Kinabalu. (Just a little aside: we went to the wrong airport in Kuala Lumpur first - I've had terrible luck there!) Kota Kinabalu is a tiny place, so after a 30 minute walking tour we headed to BB Bar, ordered a bucket of beers and spent the afternoon playing cards. The next day we caught a minibus to Mount Kinabalu with the intention of trekking up it. In hindsight I'm furious at myself for letting Morts talk me into doing this - as I proved in Nepal, I can't trek and hate almost every single moment of the trekking itself. Mount Kinabalu is over 4,000 metres tall, which is 700 metres higher than I made it in the Himalayas! Needless to say it was hideous, I completely darked out, my legs started to feel like they were going to collapse again and at about 2,300 metres a monsoon hit the mountain. This was our call to turn back having been trekking for a grand total of 2 and a half hours. My second massive trekking fail of the tour. Despite this though, the trek began the start of our time as outdoor 'adventure travellers'.

Trekking

Off the coast of Kota Kinabalu are a collection of island that make up the Tunku Abdul Rahman Marine Park, so we decided to spent the day visiting a couple of them, catching some sun and doing some snorkeling.  My swimming shorts smelt so repulsive that I abandoned them in Kuala Lumpur, so before getting over to the islands I had to buy a new pair. We found a suitable shop and were pleased to see a wide range of swimming shorts. The Medium size looked like it might be a little tight, so I bought a pair of Large without trying them on. I went into the toilet to change into them, only to find to my shock that I couldn't even squeeze them round my thighs. I went back to the shop rather sheepishly and asked if they had anything bigger. My embarrassment wasn't helped by the shop assistant yelling across the room to her friend to go into the stock room and bring out some Extra Large. I thanked them and went back to the toilet to get changed where I found to my horror that I still couldn't get the velcro bits to join round the waist! It was too much of a humiliation to go back and ask for the XXL, so I threw them in the bin and decided to just swim in my normal shorts. £3 badly spent. It's worth mentioning that Asian people are tiny and an Asian XL is in no way comparable to a European one. 


Our afternoon on the islands was very pleasant. We did lots of of snorkeling, looking at the Chinese girls on the beach, playing cards and fishing with plastic bags (crumble crisps near a shoal of fish, then creep up on them when they're not looking). This was also the day I lost my iPod. I don't need to go into detail about that - but needless to say I was pretty bummed out.

We treated ourselves the following day to a flight from Kota Kinabalu to Sandakan on other side of north Borneo, and checked into our 'jungle lodge'. It was really remote and would have been one of my favourite places so far, had it not been for the totally incompetent staff, average food and overpriced beer. They did give us a free lift to the Sepilok Orangutan Centre however, where we had a fun morning. We are in Malaysia during a monsoon season, but this doesn't stop us dressing like it's a sunny summers day, so despite the downpour we arrived at Sepilok in vests, shorts and flip flops. Obviously we didn't waste money buying waterproofs, and just elected to 'wear it' and get soaked on the feeding platform which is fully exposed to the elements. It was really worth it though, and I speak for both of us when I say Orangutans are some of the most banter animals in the world. Near Sepilok is the Rainforest Discovery Centre where we stumbled upon something that sounds like it's going to be seriously lame, but turned out to be brilliant - the 'Plant Discovery Garden'. We basically had it to ourselves, so were able to eat whatever we wanted - cinnamon, peppercorns, ginger, figs. I'm pretty sure that sort of behaviour isn't allowed, but what can I say? We're a couple of adventure travellers who play by there own rules.

Classic Orangutan tomfoolery 

Eating the cinnamon tree

We wanted to go a little deeper into the Sandakan area of Borneo, so we went to spend a couple of days at a little Homestay on the banks of the Kinabatangan River. This was a few days pretty much solely dedicated to wildlife spotting, whether it be Proboscis monkeys in the trees or tropical birds in the forest. We did three separate river cruises, but the highlight for me was the jungle trek. We had tried to get to an oxbow lake in our boat, but the little river was blocked by a felled tree, so we had to retreat and trek through the rain forest instead. This is how trekking should be! Not up a mountain, but hacking through the undergrowth with a machete, getting shin deep in mud and batting off aggro mosquitoes. At the end of our time in the Kinabatangan region, we both agreed that it was 'money well spent'.

A short flight through a lightning storm later, and we were back on the Malaysian Peninsula and got into Kuala Lumpur at 2.30am. We didn't do much the next day until the evening, where we made a pretty sizeable dent in a bottle of vodka playing a drinking trivia game, then headed back to the Bukit Bingtang district but this time more suitably dressed. Upon closer inspection of the bars we discovered that the drinks were too expensive, there were too many blokes, and most clubs were blaring deafening hip hop/dance music so I refused to go in. Therefore, we had a curry and went back to the overpriced Irish pub, ordered two £4.50 pints of Carlsberg, watched the cricket, then went home. Another massive night out fail in Kuala Lumpur.

Celebrating England beating India 4-0

From Kuala Lumpur the plan became a route due north straight up the west coast, moving from island to island. The first of these was Pangkor, a tiny island only 7km from top to bottom. There is no public transport available so the only way to get around was for me to man up and get over my fear of riding motorbikes. Frankly, I took to it like a duck to water and was zipping around in no time. As it happens, the island is so tiny we had seen everything by about midday, so parked up the hogs - The Green Hornet and The Green Growler - and hit an almost deserted beach. I proposed swimming to an off shore island, which was far more tough than I thought it was going to be (especially when being attacked by microscopic jellyfish). Once I'd got my breath back, Morts took me on a 'Swimming Nature Tour' round the island, taking in fish, crabs, sea cucumbers and a bat cave. His behaviour in the bat cave does make me wonder whether he has a future career as a tour guide though: 'I'm gonna f*cking rile them up', followed by screaming and splashing them with water as they slept.

Me and The Green Hornet

With Pangkor done, we moved on to Penang, a far bigger and more touristy island. We stayed in the Little India district of the main city Georgetown and needless the say the first thing we did the next morning was rent a new set of motorbikes. Driving a motorbike round busy city streets in the pouring rain is a very different experience to the empty country lanes of Pangkor, but I think I handled myself well and we took in a lot of the old British colonial sites that are scattered round the city. We did venture out of town for the afternoon and cruised along the north shore of the island towards Taman Negara, the 'must see' National Park on the island. We got to the front gate but were told we couldn't take our bikes in, so turned round and left. Another major tourist site ignored by me - just stick it on the pile with Chiang Mai, Pukhet, and The Great Wall of China. That night was a designated 'night out', and Morts had caught wind of a club called 'Slippery Senoritas' which he'd heard good things about. We pre-lashed with a savage game of 'Drinking Spartacus' then headed out in our best gear - my top even had sleeves! There was a really good live band on and the place was packed. We got chatting to a couple of Swiss girls, and despite Morts completely failing as my 'Wingman' and disappearing to make Malaysian friends at the bar, things worked out well for all.

The lads out at Slippery Senoritas

The next day was a bit of a fail as we recovered from the night before, then the day after we boarded the early morning ferry to our third and final island, Langkawi. Langkawi is where I am at the moment. I know it's been six weeks since I last blogged, and I could keep going about what we've been up to for the past few days, but I've been typing for hours and frankly can't be bothered. Keep an eye out for 'Adventure Travellers - Malaysia Part II' 

Cambodia and Thailand

Distance covered since last blog: 900km

As I have mentioned previously, I broke my camera in China and it took me a while to buy a new one, so in the interim I took lots of photos on my iPod. Unfortunately I lost my iPod recently, and with it all the photos of South East Asia. This is a pretty well travelled part of the world by the younger generation however, so maybe you have visited some of the places I went to and already know what they look like. So anyway, writing this on August 29^th, let me think back to what I was doing on July 18^th…

My final day in Vietnam was spent at the Cu Chi tunnels outside Siagon. These are a vast network of tunnels used by the Viet Cong during the ‘American War’ (as they call it in Vietnam). I was in a group of about ten and was the nerd that nobody likes, asking questions every 30 seconds, holding up the tour in the scorching heat, but I learnt a lot! Lunch was a typical serving of what a Viet Cong soldier would have eaten during the war, which we ate in the tunnels – a bowl of rice. I supplemented it with a tube of Pringles once I resurfaced. I had stayed in Siagon longer than I planned because my room had a television which was broadcasting the Open Championship, so I rushed home from the tunnels in the afternoon, bought some noodles and a few lagers and settled in for an evening of golf.

The next morning I made my way down to the bus terminal at the designated time of 7am (feeling a little bit worse for wear I admit). As it turned out the bus didn't leave for two hours, so I was able to hit a nearby tourist restaurant and order a huge Full English breakfast. The border crossing between Vietnam and Cambodia was simple enough, and before I knew it I was checking-in to the Spring Guest House in Cambodia's capital city, Phnom Penh. I've heard all sorts of differing opinions on Phnom Penh, but I can comfortably say it is my favourite of the SE Asian capital cities. It's barely even a city in fact, more of a big town, which makes it easy to walk around. Cambodian food has a big reputation, so I went straight out to track some of it down. I pushed the boat out and spent $4 on a squid curry and rice which was top draw. As you may be aware, Cambodia has some pretty tragic recent history and visits to some of these sites were at the top of my 'to-do' list. First of all was S-21, a converted school which was used by the Khmer Rouge government (1971-74) to torture anyone considered an enemy of the state - which was pretty much everyone. While I appreciated the poignancy of it, I was a little bit underwhelmed and felt that I was mainly looking at empty room after empty room where something bad once happened. I posed for a few photos with some kids on a school trip, chatted to a Samoan bloke about rugby, then hopped on the back of a motorbike and headed to my next destination - the Killing Fields. Now this was really dark. Most inmates at S-21 were tortured, stuck in a lorry, taken to this surprisingly small field, then clubbed to death (to save bullets) and chucked in a pit. In the centre of the site is a structure containing 8,000 excavated skulls which I took a brilliant photo of (RIP iPod). Sorry to kill the buzz, but it's impossible to write about my 'Khmer Rouge Day' without mentioning these traumatic things. I got over it with a lovely beef curry on the river front.

Next on the predictable tourist route through Cambodia is Siem Reap, the 'gateway' to Angkor Wat and all its surrounding temples. This was a much more upbeat day out, anything Buddhist is usually fun, and I spent six hours exploring the temples with my tuk-tuk driver Michael. I probably should have left Siem Reap the next day, but they have a road in town called 'Bar Street' that I simply had to spend another day/night exploring. The third and final destination on my whistle stop tour of Cambodia was Battambang, a town Thomas assured me I had to visit. I took his advice and embarked on a 5 hour coach journey (where I was almost sick after overindulging on Bar Street), only to find I had arrived in the middle of a monsoon. I stuck it out for two days, but when the rain refused to relent I left, having barely ventured further than a literal stones throw from my hotel. Besides, I was keen to move on to one of the places I've been most eager to get to for this entire tour - Bangkok.

My bus dropped me right on Khao San Road, a real hub of activity 24 hours a day and an ideal place for young travelers to find cheap accommodation, drinks, street food etc. I asked a taxi driver to point me in the direction of my pre-booked hostel - he laughed and told me it was a 30 minute drive away. Bad start. Once I arrived however things started to look up, as I was immediately invited to have a beer with some youngsters (21/22) because I was 'the most interesting looking person' they had seen all day. Obviously one beer turned into 7 or 8, which then developed into bottles of the brilliantly named 'Hong Thong' rum. The group had swelled to about 15 people by this stage and there was talk of heading out to the nearby 'Sex District' and catching one of Bangkok's famous 'Ping Pong Shows'. I was pushing hard for this, and happily soon enough we were strolling down a strip of neon lights, blaring music and hundreds of Thai blokes trying to sell us all sorts of delights. In the end we decided on the wonderfully named 'Super Pussy' and I settled down in the front row with a Dutch girl and the cheapest drink available - a $6 beer. Needless to say soon enough there were all sorts of items flying about - pens, plastic darts, shot glasses and of course ping pong balls. I was hit square in the chest by a flying banana from about 12 yards away. Credit to the girl - 'Super' indeed! Next stop was the nearby 'Gay District', which for some reason has drinks at half the price - this might be to make up for the fact that you are being constantly hassled by lady boys. I wasn't complaining though: cheap whiskey and coke and friendly lady boys to chat to (and just to confirm, chat with them was all I did). At 5am I decided it was time for breakfast (ripped off - $7 for a small bag of peanuts) then back to the hostel for a nightcap glass of Hong Thong on the roof to watch the sunrise with the rest of the crowd who had lasted the distance. Great debut night in Bangkok!

The next day was almost a complete write-off, until I forced myself to leave the hostel at 3pm and head back to Khao San Road and get myself some of the famous street food. I managed to blag myself a free tuk tuk, with the agreement that I visit the driver's friends tailors on the way. I spent 5 minutes browsing various fabrics with absolutely no intention of buying anything. Once the owner realised this he lent in close to me and whispered 'You want girls? I have girls upstairs'. Bangkok eh?! I left with no suit or girl, and made it to Khao San. There is a real hussle and bussle about the area which I would have enjoyed more had I not been so disgracefully hungover. Within 30 minutes I was really struggling and took cover in a bar with air conditioning and watched a replay of some Italian domestic football. Once I felt suitably recovered I hit the street and went on a small eating binge - one Pad Thai noodles, 3 BBQ skewers, a BBQ chicken wing and some stir-fried beef in an English muffin. Top draw! The following day I actually manned-up and did some proper sight-seeing of Bangkok, which mainly consists of the spectacular Grand Palace in the centre of town, but I feel like once you've stared 'down the barrel' at an incoming banana, you've seen about as much of Bangkok as you need to. 

Next stop was Krabi, a town right down in the south of Thailand which is a useful port for getting to nearby islands.  I took an overnight bus from Bangkok to Krabi, and as usual I barely got any sleep and arrived in one of my usual bad moods and almost immediately threw a strop. Everyone else was whisked away in helpful taxis while I had to wait like a mug for 20 minutes while my driver finished his breakfast! Eventually he let me in the minibus, but then said we weren't going to leave until more people arrived, then he buggered off for a cup of tea with his mates! The only good thing about having to wait so long was that I had time to come up with this brilliant play on words: I was crabby in Krabi! I didn't hang around too long, and took the ferry to the island of Ko Phi Phi, once again on Thomas' recommendation. This time he got it right, and I spent 4 days on this idyllic little island. I can't really explain specifically what I did on Phi Phi, but most of my days included many, if not all of these things: reading on the beach, snorkeling, fresh seafood lunches, ice cold beers and football on the big TV in JJ's bar. I started getting photos again, so here are a couple which hopefully act as some sort of explanation as to why I loved it so much there:   

I stayed one day longer on Phi Phi than I planned because I was loving it so much, which meant that I no longer had time to make it to Kuala Lumpur by bus if I was to be there in time to meet Morts on August 11th. Therefore I had to take the rather extravagant step of flying from Krabi to KL, and landing just 12 hours before Morts was scheduled to arrive. Or so I thought...

Vietnam

Distance covered since last blog:1,600km

There is only one train per day from China to Vietnam and it leaves in the early evening, which in theory works pefectly – you can hop on in Nanning, get some sleep, then wake up refreshed in Hanoi 12 hours later. This is not the case. In reality you have to stay awake for the majority of the journey, getting on and off for various customs checks and presenting your passport. I suffered my usual problem of looking absolutely nothing like my passport photo and was heavily scrutinised. Before they got speaking to me, the people in my carriage had determined that because of my beard I had to be Russian! As always they turned out to be great company, bought me dinner, and kept me entertained with their endless questions. Conversation wasn't particularly easy however: I would speak English, a Chinese guy would translate it into Vietnamese, the Vietnamese girl would answer me in Vietnamese, then the Chinese guy would translate it back into English for me! A few of us agreed to share a taxi once we arrived in Hanoi, and we were absolutely mobbed by drivers once we got off the train. I let the Vietnamese girl do all the talking, until after a few minutes of pestering from one rather determined driver when I had to get involved with a loud ‘F**k off!’ I was tired and sweaty, but still not a great way to introduce myself to the Vietnamese people! My friends kindly paid for my bus and taxi fare, and I arrived at ‘Hanoi Backpackers Hostel’ at 5.30am absolutely shattered and thrilled about the prospect of a bed. So you can imagine my heartbreak when I was told I couldn’t check-in until 11. Thankfully they let me into the ‘DVD room’, where I positioned myself under a fan, then passed out on the sofa.

Hanoi

After checking-in I set out on a walking tour of the ‘old town’ district of Hanoi. There is a lovely catherdral, picturesque lake and countless little alleyways bustling with activity. My highlight however was stumbling upon an ice cream parlour named “Fanny’s” – I immaturely stood in front of it giggling for some time. As always, finding the local food was a priority, so I pottered into a little street side restaurant to get a bowl of ‘pho bo’ (beef noodle soup) which was fantastic. That evening I enjoyed a few beers on the rooftop bar with an American, a Chinese girl, a French guy, a Dutch girl and a Canadian guy – I described us as a ‘United Nations of Banter’ (they didn’t get it). Later we went out for dinner and I found myself sitting next to an American history professor, which as you can imagine I was thrilled about. We really killed the buzz at the table for everyone else though by discussing in detail the Nullification Crisis of the 1820’s, but I was loving it. I also loved my ‘Stir-fried beef with lemongrass and chili’ – get used to me talking about Vietnamese food, it’s amazing. Vietnam is a bit of a culture shock after China, with the overwhelming amount of tourists it attracts, and it is going to take some getting used to.

My next stop after Hanoi was Hue, which is a 14 hour overnight bus journey south. These sleeper buses are clearly designed with little Asian people in mind, not strapping Westerners such as myself, and so therefore are rather cramped. I estimate I got about 3 hours sleep, so much like Hanoi I arrived exhausted and cranky. Conveniently the bus stopped opposite my hostel, so I didn’t have to deal with the army of taxi drivers who had gathered to prey upon us. I checked-in (after I’d thrown a small rage when I hit my head on the door of the bus), then had breakfast with two Polish girls in the hostel restaurant. I wasn’t sure what to get, so used a technique I have now done throughout Vietnam, which is asking the waitress what her favourite local food is, then agreeing to have that regardless of what it is. In this instance it was sizzling pork meatballs with onions, noodles and soup. Not a traditional breakfast I admit, but damn tasty! Hue has a brilliant ‘citadel’ in it’s centre which was interesting to walk around – it was devastated during the war which makes it fascinating to explore for an American history geek such as myself. I was so taken by it that that evening I went back to the hostel and watched ‘Full Metal Jacket’ (which is set in Hue). The following evening got pretty messy as me and my lovely roommate Abbie attacked the wide range of novelty flavoured vodkas behind the bar (Snickers, Gummie Bears, Fish sauce etc). We obviously made lots of friends in the bar, none more so than ‘Vinny the Viking’ who is the head barman in the hostel and from Iceland. I had been told by the guys who owned the hostel in Hanoi that if I punched him he would give me a free beer, so I did, and he not only gave me a beer, but bought my entire table a round of shots! What a hero! At the end of the night Abbie passed out in the toilet then refused to come out until her ‘bearded roomie’ came to get her – I’m clearly perceived as trustworthy.

Me and Vinny the Viking

 Next stop was Hoi An, a pretty small but very attractive town about 5 hours south of Hue. After exploring the town a bit, I basically spent a couple of days chilling out after some exhausting days and nights in Hue. My hotel had a gorgeous receptionist (who always welcomed me with an ice cold moist towelette from the fridge), air conditioning in my room, and a swimming pool. You can understand why I chose it as a chill out venue! Hoi An has over taken Wuhan as the hottest place I have been so far on this tour. In a restaurant a waitress asked me if I was ok – the sweat was pouring down my face so much that she thought I was crying. I was lucky I had these few days to relax, because despite all the warnings, I was totally unprepared for where I headed next: Nha Trang.

I would describe Nha Trang as like an Asian version of Malia – a huge tourist trap, catering for Westerners who want to spend the day lying on the beach, having a burger and chips for lunch, then spend the evenings getting drunk with other tourists. It is comfortably my least favourite place in Vietnam. Sadly, drunk tourists attract crime. I’ll quote the Lonely Planet: “Getting too drunk at night in Nha Trang is like spraying ‘rob me’ perfume on yourself”. When I arrived at my hostel there was a girl in tears in reception who had just been robbed, and this was pretty much the theme of my three days there. In that time, every single person in my dorm was either robbed, mugged or beaten up (except me – I’m streetwise and intimidating). Three sizeable Danish lads were surrounded by ten guys on motorbikes and forced to hand over their wallets – two nights in a row!! My main incident came at about 1am one night when I heard a commotion outside my room. I went to investigate and found my roommates, Dave and Sarah, in a blazing argument with security. They had been robbed and were asking the hostel to call the police. For some reason things had got out of hand, security had hit Dave on the head a few times with a metal baton and the receptionist had punched Sarah. My chivalrous nature took over and I aggressively ‘squared up’ to the guy who punched Sarah (probably the first time I’ve ever done that in my life), and he backed off. Dave and I stayed downstairs for a while to defuse things. When I got back to the dorm I found Sarah talking me up as an absolute hero, and I was happy to accept the praise. I spent the next day down at the beach, but couldn’t bring myself to venture out at night, so stayed in and watched ‘Apocalypse Now’ (part of which is set in Nha Trang) then got the hell out of there the next day and headed for the mountain city of Dalat. Once again I was exhausted on my bus journey because I had been awoken at 4am by a couple having sex in the bed next to me. Such inappropriate behaviour in a communal dorm! I admit I quite enjoyed it for about 10 minutes – she was pretty hot – but it soon grew tiresome and was keeping me awake. After an hour and half (which I applaud the bloke for!) the sun had come up and the girl noticed that I was watching them. She obviously freaked out, but it at least meant I could get up and leave them in peace, and I went downstairs and had a green tea with the receptionist. The girl tracked me down later that morning and, deeply embarrassed, apologised profusely.

Waiting for my bus to leave Nha Trang I got speaking to an English girl called Claire who latched onto me for a couple of days. She had absolutely no banter and was seriously hard work speaking to. She suggested that we share a hotel room to half the cost, which I reluctantly agreed to, but flat out refused to go sight-seeing with her and instead headed out on my own. Dalat itself is a lovely city, but it’s main attraction is the countryside which surrounds it. The obvious way to explore this is by hiring a motorbike/scooter and heading out alone, however I had a embarrassing failure on a motorbike in India a couple of years ago and have lost all confidence in my ability to use them. Hence I hired a bloke to drive me around for the day, exploring the mountains, valleys and waterfalls of the surrounding area. I suitably irritated Claire that evening by watching the entire British Grand Prix in our room when she was trying to sleep. She was moving on to Siagon (the same as me), but I knew that if I left with her we would end up staying in the same hotel, so I stayed an extra day in Dalat to shake her off.

Around Dalat

The bus to Saigon was pretty uneventful. I sat with a Danish lad who I met in Nha Trang, then got into a rather heated conversation with two Israelis who were slagging off China (don’t slag off China around me!) We are right in the heart of the ‘monsoon season’ now, and unfortunately the daily thunderstorm had hit just as my bus arrived – so I had to track down my hostel in teeming rain. After a while I decided my backpack was getting too wet so ducked into a bar to take cover, and who should I see but Dave and Sarah from the Nha Trang ‘fight night’! I had a beer with them while the rain eased off and we discussed future travel plans. I found my hostel with little fuss but annoyingly the last bed in the dorm had literally just been reserved (by the bloke who walked in about 5 seconds before me!) I was offered a private room above a nearby restaurant for $7 per night which I gratefully accepted – double bed, big TV, shower, balcony. The works! This turned out to be even more perfect because The Open Championship was on during my time in Siagon, so I was able to take in a lot of golf. Siagon is my favourite place in Vietnam, and one of my favourite places I have been so far – it is intensely hot, but a wonderful city which I have thoroughly enjoyed exploring. One of the ‘must see’ sights of Siagon is the ‘War Remnants Museum’ which gives an admittedly one-sided view of the Vietnam War, but it was deeply moving none the less and I don’t mind confessing to having to dry my eyes at a couple of the more shocking exhibits. Nearby is the ‘Presidential Palace’ which is where the final moments of the Vietnam War occurred in 1975 and I got a really nerdy thrill about being there, until a one-legged beggar starting pestering me so I left on the back of a motorbike. There’s nothing quite like whizzing through Saigon on the back of a motorbike – I was enjoying it so much I high-fived another motorbike driver at some traffic lights. I hopped off near my hotel to get a cheese and chili baguette for lunch, and while I waited for it to be prepared an elderly woman of about 80 snuck up behind me, tugged my beard, giggled like crazy, then scurried off! Beard assault! So I have a little bit more of Vietnam to do, before nipping across the border into Cambodia.

A 'Huey' helicopter - an icon of the Vietnam War

The End of China

Distance covered since last blog: 4,460km

So I’ve broken another camera. This one went down in installments, and I suppose was my fault this time. Firstly I broke the screen in Tianjin when I stood on it walking back from the toilet in the middle of the night; then I finished the job and broke the lense in Qingtao when I dropped it. Hence the photos in this blog are minimal and of low quality (taken on my iPod).

As I mentioned in my last blog, I needed to start moving quickly south through China. I have probably spent too long here, and need to get down to the Vietnam border to maximise my time in SE Asia. So expect a lot of train related stories here! My first journey was the epic train from Qingtao to Chengdu, which covered 2,600km and took a little under 2 days. A journey of such length is different to others that I have done – it’s a different midset - and I became pretty good mates with the fellow people undertaking the massive journey in my carriage. Things didn't start off so well though – I settled down in my seat opposite an 8 year old girl who immediately covered her eyes and spent 10 minutes looking at me in fear. It later transpired it was the beard freaking her out. Eventually she said something to her Mum who agreed to switch seats with her so she didn't have to look at me anymore. As it turned out, me and the girl (‘Chi Chi’) ended up becoming best friends. We watched ‘Inception’ together, played cards, and taught each other to count to ten in each others languages. A highlight of the journey was being told ‘Chi Chi isn’t scared of you anymore’. My most important mate on the train was Leo – a 31 year old ex-English teacher/Christian missionary – who basically acted as my translator. Everyone wanted to question me about England, China, my future travel plans etc, and I was in constant demand for the entire journey. Someone actually slapped me on the legs when I was asleep because they wanted conversation. I woke up relucantly, bought a round of beers for the lads, and played cards until 2am. They thrashed me and it was exhausting, but as always, meeting local people is the most enjoyable and rewarding part of travelling. At the end of the journey Chi Chi wrote ‘China welcomes you’ on a piece of paper and got everyone to sign it as a goodbye present for me which was lovely.

Upon arrival in Chengdu, Leo and a girl from my carriage (I forget her name) insisted on paying for my taxi to the hostel, then taking me out for some proper Sichuan cuisine – which they also paid for. Sichuan (or ‘Szechuan’ to you Europeans) cuisine is highly regarded in China and has some of the spiciest dishes the country produces. I can vouch for that! When my fellow diners weren’t looking I had to spit a mouthful onto the floor because it was so unbearabley hot! Most of the dishes were really tasty though, and I revisited the restaurant the next day. Amusingly, at the beginning of the meal Leo said a prayer thanking God for meeting me and wishing me well on my future travels. Not sure I’ve ever had a prayer said about me! I was knackered after the journey, so napped in the afternoon, then did a night time walking tour of Chengdu. Chengdu has a very impressive central square, with an enormous statue of Chairman Mao and fountains which are timed to orchestral music. I walked around for a few hours, had some noodles for dinner, then returned to my hostel. Woah! Were there just a couple of sentences about sight-seeing? That’s not what this is blog is all about! You want a story about me embarrassing myself? Hang in there, I’ve got a couple coming up…

The next day I continued the move south, taking an 11 hour journey from Chengdu to Kunming. As usual I attached myself to some locals, in this case the lovely Anna and Lilly. Apparently they spent ages building up the courage to come and speak to me because they are shy about their language skills, but like most young Chinese people their English was far better than they thought and we spoke for a few hours. Anna and Lilly went to bed but I wasn't very tired, so wandered down to the restaurant car to get a bottle of water. Ridiculously they had no water, so I was talked into getting a bottle of Budwesier (60p) by the persuasive barman. I had walked 11 carriages to get there, so felt compelled to buy something. I really didn't want it but settled down to drink it anyway. I think it was this reluctance that caused my first swig to ‘go down the wrong way’. I coughed, spluttered, dribbled on the table, then charged out the restaurant car and just made it to the toilet before spraying the mouthful of beer and my half-digested noodles all over the place. I did a half-arsed job of cleaning them up, then scurried back to carriage 7 (abandoning the Budwesier). Mine was the upper bunk of my berth, so I clambered up the ladder then flopped into bed. The girl who I found in it totally freaked out. The lights in the carriage had been turned off, and I had walked too far and was in fact in carriage 6. Everyone else in the berth sprung to life as well as I repeated ‘Sorry’ over and over again in Chinese and then fled into the darkness. I kept a low profile the next morning, then disembarked into the furnance that is Kunming.

Anna and Lilly

Kunming was a relatively low key affair for me. I did a standard walking tour through the city centre, taking in a couple of stunning archways, the lake and a shopping mall to buy a new iPod charger (I left mine in Chengdu). Kunming has the highest ratio of Muslims in China, so I hit a Muslim restaurant for lunch where I botched my ordering in Chinese and resorted to pointing at a neighbours lunch and asking for ‘one of these’. It was some delicious vegetable noodles in a spicy broth which I devoured and had again for dinner.

My main reason for going to Kunming was to make my way into the rest of Yunnan province, which many regard as one of the most naturally beautiful in China. I would have to agree, and the 11 hour bus I took from Kunming to Lijiang took in some incredible scenery (there would be a photo here if I had a camera). I spent an awful lot of time looking to my left. This may have been down to the scenery, or maybe down to the smoking hot girl who was sat next to the window. Her little denim shorts were so tiny she may as well not have been wearing them. The bus arrived into Lijiang in the heat of the day, and after being rejected by the first four taxis I spoke to, I eventually found one who was willing to take me to the ‘Old Town’. This area of the city is a maze of winding alleyways which cars can’t access, so I had to find the ‘Garden Inn’ hostel on foot. If you’ve been reading this blog from the start, you probably know the drill by now – I got a massive rage on and was sweating uncontrollably by the time I found it 30 minutes later. It was a charming hostel though, built around a leafy courtyard, run by girls who would regularly bring me free plates of fresh watermelon and plums. One of them even did two two-hour Chinese lessons with me for free! What else can you ask for in a hostel?

The Garden Inn in Lijiang

Lijiang itself is a quaint little town, built around a series of waterways, however it has turned into one of China’s most popular tourist destinations and everyday hundreds of buses arrive packed with Chinese tourists being led about by someone holding a coloured flag and speaking very loudly through a megaphone. This meant that I conducted my two walking tours in the early morning when the streets were emptier. The streets weren’t totally empty however – as I settled down on a low wall to eat my breakfast, a young child appeared to my right and began to urinate about 6 inches away from my leg. You can imagine the splash-back generated on a stone floor, and I was wearing shorts and flip-flops. The boys Mum didn't seem to care, although was clearly aware of what was happening, so I stood up as calmly as I could manage and walked off. The worst thing about the whole incident was that I couldn't wipe it off – I had no tissues, and didn't want it on my hand, so just had to leave it there! Urine aside, the thing I will remember most about Lijiang will be the BBQ. China must have literally millions of BBQ places to eat – from proper restaurants to blokes selling it in the street. I visited seven different vendors in Lijiang, ate different things at each one and they were all delicious.

I wanted to go to the nearby town of Dali, but as I mentioned at the start, I have spent too long in China and really need to get into Vietnam, so got a direct train back to Kunming where I would then move on to Nanning to sort out a visa. I got on the train to discover that my six bed sleeping berth was to be occupied by five Chinese girls and me – jackpot. I never really got to speak with them however because unfortunately I was emitting some unpleasant smells – a rather potent cocktail of feet, t-shirt, armpits and crotch. It was so repulsive, and I was so embarrassed, that I went and stood in between the carriages and listened to the entire of Les Miserables (2hr 30mins) before going back to bed after I was sure they were all asleep. I got into Kunming at about 5am and headed back to ‘The Hump’ youth hostel where I stayed last time. I’d been up most of the night trying to avoid being smelt so was exhausted and immediately hit the hay – I saw Kunming last time anyway. I got up for lunch though and was immediately set upon by 6 of the girls who work in the hostel and were on their break. They were eager to speak to me and of course I was happy to oblige. It started off rather awkwardly though because apparently I had met one of them last time I was in Kunming – she remembered every single detail about me, but I couldn't even recall her name! She was devastated, but cheered up eventually. I remember you now Monica!

The next day I headed off to Nanning, my 14^th and final destination in China. Not a lot to report from this journey. The train was less of a ‘train’ however, and more like a sauna on wheels – you know when Chinese people are sweating through their clothes it is seriously hot! Needless to say I was a dripping mess. My wetness wasn't helped by the fact that the mosquito repellent in my pocket mysteriously broke open and gushed down my leg – but looking on the bright side it actually improved the smell of my trousers. I befriended a bunch of students who were on their way back from a little holiday in Kunming. All of them spoke decent English and were great company.

The lads on the way to Nanning

Nanning itself is the most disgustingly humid place I have ever been to. It was 34 degrees and 80% humidity when I arrived and I was a total state. Luckily I found the hostel after a mere 10 minute walk, then spent 30 minutes in my room “shirt off, trou down” trying to return to a normal temperature. The city is quite pleasant, but really I’m just here to organise my Vietnam visa, then hop on the daily train to Hanoi. I fancied a final bowl of ‘la mian’ (my second favourite Chinese food) before leaving, so set out to find a place serving them. Sadly I couldn't find anywhere, and was starting to get a humidity sweat on, so ducked into a little place serving loads of meat dishes. I got a couple of pork and vegetables ones, some rice and a beer (I didn't want the beer, but was mocked by a nearby midget when I ordered a bottle of water). Halfway through my meal the owner came over and asked if it was too spicy - I said ‘no’ then took an opportunity to impress him by eating an entire red chilli. Cor blimey! I held back the tears for about 15 seconds before they were streaming down my face. I tried to finish the meal, but that was only making it worse, and I left the restaurant to howls of laughter from the customers, the staff and the midget. That was last night, and I am now sitting in the hostel reception awaiting the arrival of my visa, so hopefully tomorrow evening I will be on my way to ‘Nam.

China. What can I say? Originally I was never going to come here, then my plans changed and I would come here for just two weeks. I have ended up staying for two months, and frankly could stay here for two years. The countryside around Yangshuo and the rest of Guangxi province was some of the most stunning I have ever seen; Shanghai and Beijing are intoxicating cities you could spend weeks exploring; Guilin and Xi’an are charming places that it would be a pleasure to live in. From Guilin ‘rice noodles’ to Wuhan ‘hot-dry noodles’, from ‘beef and bok choy’ to ‘BBQ pork scewers’, the food has been phenomenal and a real highlight. My whole-hearted, but usually futile attempt to learn Mandarin has been fun as well. But as always, it’s the people that make the experiences and they are the thing I will take most away from this incredible country. Sophie and Mickey in Wuhan, Lisa and Gloria in Guilin, Kathy in Yangshuo, Eleanor and the ‘free talk’ class in Tianjin, Terry and Monica in Kunming, Leo in Chengdu, Daisy, Linda, Zsa Zsa and all the girls in Xi’an. Xièxie China! I’ll be back. Now, in the words of Delia Smith (sort of): ‘Vietnam. Let’s be having you!’

Guilin to Qingdao

Distance covered since last blog: 3,045km

After bidding a tearful farewell to Lisa (all her tears), I boarded an overnight train to the southern city of Shenzhen, which is the gateway into Hong Kong. Stupidly I had got on the train with no cash, so was unable to purchase any refreshments, which meant that by the time my train arrived at 9am I was dying of thirst. First I had to track down an ATM, which I managed to do in a nearby shopping centre, then find a bloke selling cold water. I chinned two bottles then set off to find the taxi rank. It was on my way that I felt that familiar feeling in my bowels which simply means ‘Get to a toilet immediately’. Shenzhen train station is a maze and I had no idea where to find one, besides, walking was making it worse. I dropped my bag in the middle of the concourse and stood there, without shame, clenching my buttocks with a look of steely-eyed determination on my face. Unless you’ve experienced this, it is difficult to fully understand the agony I was in – I genuinely contemplated deliberately pooing myself right there, in the middle of the train station, just to end the pain. In the end I made a mad dash to a nearby private health spa and basically demanded that either they let me use their toilet or I was involuntarily going to do it in their lobby. As it happens the girl was very helpful and literally ran with me to show me where to go. I spent that night in a youth hostel, and crossed the border into Hong Kong the next day.、

A typically foggy Hong Kong

My accommodation was another one recommended by Thomas – Chumking Mansions, right in the heart of central Kowloon. It is a monstrous building with 19 vast floors, filled mainly with guest houses and Indian restaurants and shops. It is well-known in Hong Kong as the main hub of immigrants from India and Africa, and this was apparent from the moment I walked in. It was like being back in India – I was immediately set upon by people trying to sell me a place to sleep, fake Rolexes, ‘hashish’, chicken byriani – you name it! In the end I settled for a guest house on the ninth floor and was led proudly to one of their ‘deluxe’ suites.

I didn’t really care about it being so small, just as long as it was clean – which it was. After venturing out into Hong Kong, the most urgent business was to find an Irish pub which would be showing the football that evening – it was the final day of the Premier League season. It took no longer than 20 seconds until I stumbled upon the rather predictably named‘Murphys’. I only nipped in to ask if it would be showing the football later, but as it happens they had the big AFC Wimbledon vs Luton match on the telly at the time, so I stayed and watched the entire thing. When I returned later, I attached myself to a group consisting of an American lad, a Norwegian girl and an Aussie girl and spent the night bantsing with them. Blackpool were relegated and I got surprisingly depressed about it.

The next two days were spent dominating Hong Kong, and seeing all that the small country has to offer. I purchased a ticket that allowed me to use the ‘Big Bus Tour’ (you may have seen these around London) for two days, so on the first day I did a tour around the main city area of Hong Kong Island. I’ll be honest – I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am the night before, and nodded off for quite a lot of the bus tour. This area of Hong Kong Island is mainly skyscrapers, and clearly wasn’t enough to keep my attention. After 2 hours I got off the bus (having dribbled down the front my t-shirt). For the second day of my bus tour I visited the south of HK Island, specifically the areas of Repulse Bay and Stanley – where one Richard Mogridge used to live as a youngster. I found a pub called the ‘Pickled Pelican’ (brilliant name) and got chatting to some Americans who had disembarked from an aircraft carrier which had docked in the harbour the day before. They made me do some shots with them, and I returned to my bus slightly more off-balance than when I got off. That night I had dinner from my usual Pakistani restaurant – the ‘Paki Mess’ (that was its actual name), then headed back to Murphy’s to see if I could make any more new friends. As it happens I couldn’t, but did pick up an amusing nickname from the bar girls: Mr. Hairy.

The plan for the next day was a visit to the other main island of Hong Kong – Lantau. The weather was pretty awful, but I went anyway. The main site there is a large Buddha statue up on a hill, but the weather was so bad that they had closed the cable car, so access was impossible. I thought I would hang around anyway (after all, I’d spent 30p on a tube ticket!), so I had a few pints then went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 – it was average. After a final night in the lovely Chumking Mansions, I boarded the ferry to the nearby island of Macau. Macau is an old Portuguese colony and is technically not part of China and many people still speak that language. That meant I was able to use my entire Portuguese vocabulary at every possible opportunity (obrigado – ‘thank you’; cerveja – ‘beer’). I hadn’t booked any accommodation in Macau, because I was sure that when I got off the ferry there would be a bevy of hawkers trying to sell me a cheap room for the night. This turned out not to be the case, so after some advise from the tourist information office, I got on the #3 bus into town, and preceded to wander aimlessly for 3 hours (yes, 3 hours!) hoping to find a cheap hotel. After a while, exhausted and dripping wet, I was literally stopping every Westerner I saw asking them where they were staying, but most people just come to Macau for a day trip and don’t spend the night. I was at my wits end. Eventually I spoke to a well-off Malaysian bloke, who organised his personal driver to come and pick me up (in a plush BMW) and take me to a cheap hotel. What a hero!!

Macau rage

I did a Macau walking tour, then headed back to Hong Kong the next day – checking back into Chumking Mansions. This was the night of the Champions League final, so I stayed up until kick-off (02:45 local time) and watched it in my local. I befriended an English lad named Steve and we watched the match together in an incredibly packed pub – I was obviously thrilled to see Man Utd taken to pieces by a team of such obvious superiority. Went to bed at 6am. The next day didn’t involve much – just a trip to the train station to purchase my next train ticket, then waiting for the Monaco Grand Prix to start. For dinner I finally sold-out and, for the first time on tour had a full blown Western meal; I felt that if I was going to do that, I needed to do it properly, so I had roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, carrots, sprouts, gravy and horseradish. Worth the 11 quid! I literally licked the plate clean.

Mouse and I had agreed that if he paid for half my travel, I would make the 2,500km journey back north to visit him in Tianjin, so early on that Tuesday morning I set off for Kowloon train station to catch the T98 train to Beijing, where I would connect for the short journey to Tianjin. I had some minor trouble getting through Customs – the photo in my passport, where I am a pasty 16 year old, confuses people who see the 25 year old bearded ‘vagrant’ in front of them. I smoothed things over with the Customs officials nicely though by accidently making them laugh: I dropped my bottle of water, and after bending down to pick it up with my huge backpack on, I realised I had no strength left in my legs and was unable to stand up. It was like my trekking fail all over again! After trying and failing for a while, I had to shed my backpack and ask for assistance. The journey itself took 24 hours and was relatively easy going. I couldn’t get much sleep though because the couple in the bed next to me decided to ‘get frisky’ in the middle of the night, which was rather off putting. To escape their moans and groans I ventured down to the restaurant car, which involved passing through First Class. It seemed quite empty, so after purchasing a ‘pijo’ and some noodles I went and sat there. No one questioned a Western person’s rite to be there, so I enjoyed the comfort of First Class for a few hours!

 24 hours to Beijing

I arrived in Beijing in the early afternoon, and after throwing a minor public strop (just like last time), I made my way back to the same hostel from a few weeks ago. I was meant to go on to Tianjin but was too tired, mardy and sweaty to tackle another Chinese train journey. So after some R&R I headed off the next day, catching the bullet train to Tianjin, where Mouse met me at the station. I ended up spending a week with him, sleeping on his sofa and basically having a great time. Our main activities were nights out, watching cricket, doing walking tours and eating. The food I had in Tianjin was incredible, and Mouse took me on a culinary tour of Asia: classic Chinese dishes, noodles, dumplings, Tianjin specialties, Sichuan dishes, Korean, Thai, Hong Kong, Japanese. All amazing! We had some fun nights with his fellow teachers as well. One night in with Dilly and Jordan playing cards, where we picked up the nicknames ‘Maestro’ and ‘Bistro’ (you can guess who was who); another night out on the massive smash with David, Mike and Gerald to the famous ‘Citong’ nightclub. I was on my standard drunk club form – hating the ear-splitting hip hop, minesweeping drinks, sitting on my own. Gerald bought us an entire table worth of Heineken though, so I tucked into that with gay abandon. Mouse pulled a midget (sort of).

 Leaving Citong at 6am

As you may know, Mouse is teaching English in Tianjin, and he invited me along to his weekly ‘free talk’ class. ‘Free talk’ is a much more informal class, where students are encouraged to speak and use their English in a more chilled-out setting. I opened things up with a short photo presentation of my travels so far, then Mouse set them the task of writing their own fictional travel diary which they would then present to the class later, and I would judge who was best. I meandered from group to group, chatting to them about various things and helping them with their English (I spoke to no men). It was really fun, and one of the highlights of my time in China – you really can’t beat speaking to Chinese people.

On one of my last nights, Mouse cooked up a brilliant dinner of pork ribs and pork belly in a delightful sauce, with a side dish of green peppers and bok choy. We settled in to watch the Test Match. Could there be a more brilliant night in? Sadly I eventually had to leave, and caught the 05:33 train to Qingdao (pronounced ‘Ching-dow’). I hadn’t had much sleep the night before, and half way through the journey I nodded off and toppled off my seat into the aisle. It was mightily embarrassing and I was the laughing stock of the carriage for the remainder of the journey. This was made even more embarrassing because I had been seriously ‘eye-flirting’ with a girl opposite me for a while. We had had a rather basic conversation in both English and Chinese and shared headphones for a while. I think my collapse ruined my chances. Qingdao seems nice enough, but I need to start thinking about heading south, so I immediately booked my transport onwards – a 41 hour, 2,600km train to Chengdu. The definition of ‘admin’?

 Mouse getting his cook on

I’m a little bit worried to see that I am 106 days into my 189 days travelling. However much I like England, my family and my friends, I really don’t ever want to come back. Can you all move to China please?

 Beard coming on nicely

Guilin to Yangshuo...then back to Guilin

Distance covered since last blog: 190km

For my final evening in Guilin I headed out alone to track down a local restaurant and really try out my Chinese speaking. My plan was to do the entire thing without saying a word of English, and without resorting to simply pointing vaguely at the menu. I strolled in confidently and immediately caused a stir (not helped by the fact that I was wearing my China basketball vest). I successfully said ‘Hello. One beer please’, which she understood. But when I tried ‘Fried noodles with meat’ she stared blankly back at me. When I tried again she had a total panic and went and got 3 other members of staff. Everyone else in the restaurant was looking over and laughing. I tried again with the new staff members but was no more successful. In the end I gave up and pointed to a photo of some different noodles that was on the wall. So my attempt to speak only in Chinese lasted for 4 words. Tough language. Good noodles though!

When I got back to my hostel I noticed that one of the two ‘smoking hot Swedish girls’ from the backwaters tour that Squad and I went on in Kerala was sitting in the bar. After procrastinating for about 20 minutes, I went over to her and thankfully she remembered me. Me, her (Ida) and her friend (Faye) spent a few hours chatting and agreed to travel together to Yangshuo together the next day.

Yangshuo

I was slightly more successful in dealing with Chinese people at the bus station the next morning, when I haggled our tickets down from 30Y each, to 18Y each (I didn’t use any Chinese though – just raised my voice and pointed at numbers on a calculator). Yangshuo’s kast mountains are some of the most stunning landscape in the world, so it was a pity that it was pouring with rain. There are lots of outdoor activities to get involved in such as rock-climbing, cycling, bamboo raft tours on the river etc. But unfortunately it rained for the next 5 days, so I was ‘forced’ to stay in the hostel and frequent the bar with all the other travellers. I stayed in a hostel called ‘Monkey Jane’s’ which Thomas had mentioned in his blog. It is famous for its lively fifth floor roof-top bar and party atmosphere – I can vouch for both!

Day 1：After getting a bowl of the brilliant local rice noodles (60p), I headed straight up to the bar to see what all the fuss was about. It was all pretty chilled out at first, so I settled in with a Canadian lad named Tyler and one of the bar girls to watch ‘Quantum of Solace’ (a tricky film to explain to someone who’s English isn’t great). When the bar started to fill up, Tyler and I teamed-up and started challenging people to ‘Beer Pong’. ‘Beer Pong’ basically involves having to throw ping-pong balls across a table into the other teams’ glasses – if they go in, they have to finish their beer. Tyler and I were tipsy and overconfident, and consequently lost our first 3 games. We came back to win the next 2 though! More and more people came into the bar and everyone was getting involved in the drinking games: English, Australian, Dutch, American, Norweigian, Danish, Swedish, Israeli, French, Russian, and of course all the gorgeous Chinese bar girls. At midnight we all piled out onto the town’s main street and hit a bar full of exciteable Chinese people. They love having foreigners around, and none of us paid for a drink all night – the bar manager just kept bringing us bucket after bucket filled with cans of Budweiser! It was amazing! After lots of comical dancing and arm-wrestling tournaments, I stumbled back to the hostel at 4am.

 Me and Tyler playing Beer Pong

Day 2: I rose at about 11 and rummaged around for my iPod charger. I couldn’t find it. And on closer inspection found that my English adaptor and my precious journal were also missing. I had been so excited when I saw Swedish Ida in the bar in Guilin I had forgotten to pick anything up from the table I had been sitting at. Damn! I just had to hope that Jason, the friendly hostel owner, would keep them safe for me until I returned. I headed up to the bar and found a few other bleary-eyed people from the night before watching a strange Chinese film with (terrible) English subtitles, so I joined them. After the film a Danish chap named Jeppe (or ‘The Bearded Dane’ as I called him) suggested we get the beers in. Frankly, I was horrified at the idea, but didn't want to disappoint him, so agreed. I struggled through my first few sips of my ‘Tsingtao’, but soon enough it was going down a treat – and I was ready for Beer Pong again! Tyler wasn’t around, so I partnered up with Lisa, the good-looking Chinese girl I had been checking out the night before. We went on a huge winning streak and were just one game away from winning coverted Monkey Jane t-shirts until I choked and missed the final cup. Someone introduced the bar to a new drinking game called ‘Flip Cup’ which is incredibly fun, rowdy and involves loads of people – which is perfect for big groups of people who don’t really know each other! We managed to get two teams of five together and played for an hour or so. I turned out to be a natural – Beer Pong and Flip Cup success in the same night! Once again we headed out to the bars and did very much the same as the night before. Beer Pong Lisa tried to kiss me, but I rejected her – I was keen, but thought I would keep her waiting. I knew I had her in the palm of my hand.

Rejecting Lisa

Day 3: Ida and Faye left in the morning, so I had the whole dorm to myself. I cooked up a tub of Roasted Beef Noodles and as usual headed up to the bar to watch the days films – ‘Dead Silence’, ‘Bruno’ and ‘Kick-Ass’. I also challenged the beautiful barmaid, Kathy, to some Connect 4. We ended up playing 17 consecutive games and I was soundly beaten. There was a little bit of Beer Pong played, but this was the night dominated by a huge, 7 vs 7, boys vs girls game of Flip Cup. Some bright spark decided to play with bigger cups and demand that the boys team play topless. Things got totally out of hand, and it was one of my favourite nights of the entire tour so far. I finally let Lisa get her way.

The Topless Flip Cup lads

Day 4: My body was really feeling the burn by this time, so I didn't really achieve anything on this day. In fact, I only properly surfaced at 5pm. Lisa and I went out for some dumplings then she headed back home to Guilin with the promise that I could go and stay with her when I return. Keen! It was more sedate in the bar on this evening. Well, the ‘Topless Flip Cup’ team got together for a reunion, but we called it a night at 1am.

Day 5: Checked-out and headed back to Guilin.

So that was a day-by-day run through of my time in Yangshuo! As you can tell, I had a total sight-seeing fail, yet had some of the most fun times I have had since leaving England!

I had emailed Lisa the day before, asking for her address, but I had no response by the time I got to Guilin so I checked back into the hostel from last time. Jason had kept all the things I had left behind and immediately presented them to me on my arrival. Legend! Shortly afterwards, Lisa did get back to me and I went round to her apartment for a home-cooked meal while we watched ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. Tomato and egg (sounds rubbish, but is actually really good), beef and peppers, pork and shredded potatoes, vegetables and rice. So she can play Beer Pong AND cook. She might be a keeper! Well, for three days anyway.

I have already done all my sight-seeing in Guilin, so during the day when Lisa is at work (as an English translator for the Chinese government) I just loaf about in the old hostel. They quite like me there and don’t seem to mind the fact I spend my whole time sitting there but not buying any of their expensive food. For that, Lisa meets me in her lunch hour and takes me to little hidden restaurants in the backstreets of Guilin that serve incredible Chinese food at nothing prices – 30p for a bowl of noodles.

We met after work yesterday and went out for some nooldes with a couple of her friends. They spoke good English so it was fun. Out with the girls! They insisted that we go to a KTV bar – KTV is what the Chinese call karaoke. I was initially nervous, but decided that the best way to tackle the nerves was to throw myself into it whole-heartedly, so I took on the opening song and did ‘Everything I Do’ by Bryan Adams. I gave it my all (including an air guitar solo), and before I knew it I was hooked! I did some Beatles, some Blue, some Queen, some Black Eyed Peas. You couldn’t get the microphone out of my hand! I even tried my hand at a Chinese song – which was appauling. Afterwards we hit a bar called ‘Joyce’s’ which was packed. I was the only Westerner in the whole place and was having drinks forced on me all night, so never once had to reach into my wallet. Perfect! My status as a sex symbol in China seems to be on the rise and I had to fend off a pretty blunt advance from one of Lisa's friends (it doesn't get much more blunt than "Please come home with me, not Lisa"). It was a great night out!

Out in Guilin

We have another DVD night planned for this evening, then tomorrow I leave for Shenzhen which is on the border with Hong Kong. The end of a beautiful relationship!